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Twin Life

Written by Maritza
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BeingPerfect

Are you one of those moms who feels guilty all the time? Well, stop! One of the best things you can do for yourself as a new mother of twins is to let go of the idea that everything has to be "perfect."

With my firstborn, I feel like I overdid everything, as all new moms do. I would overpack, overthink every little thing, and overbuy! There was no way I could do that with my twin girls. With twins, you quickly learn to simplify everything. But then sometimes you worry that you're simplifying so much that you're shortchanging them somehow.

Give yourself a break. You deserve it. Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, you need a break now and then. Raising twins is tough. Besides, I honestly think having kids makes you a better person. Having twins makes you a saint!

Mommy Guilt, Be Gone!

So many twin mommies told me, "You won't remember your twins' first year." They were right. It was a total blur.

With a 2-year-old and infant twins, I don't know how I did it. Well, I do: I accepted lots of help. Don't turn anyone down. You can definitely use the help. It really takes a village! Even though I was lucky to have family close by, I still felt like it was a lot on everyone.

Raising twins is twice the work, so your downtime is limited. About the time my twins turned 1, I started looking back and feeling guilty. I felt like I never got to just "enjoy" the girls, especially as infants. This mommy guilt is the worst. Let it go!

My girls may not have had a lot of one-on-one time with either my husband or myself, but they are fine. They are more than fine. They have a unique bond that most of their friends will never understand.

In fact, I sometimes feel bad for my older and younger sons because they won't experience that special relationship. (There goes that mommy guilt again.) My oldest, Jordan, longs for that connection with his brother. He talks about wanting to share a room with his brother like his sisters do, and I have caught him pretending to be twins with my youngest.

Focus on What Matters

Your home priorities change a lot when you become a mom. If you can afford a cleaning lady, make it happen. For that first year with my twins, I felt like I wasn't taking care of my home liked I used to. But, honestly, do you remember what your home looked like as a child—whether it was perfectly clean, organized, decorated, or whatever?

One of my clients once shared with me some advice her mom gave her. She had asked her mom, "What do you wish you had done differently when you raised us?" Her mom answered, "I would have cleaned less and not worried so much about my weight." Let that be a lesson to us all!

When you are having one of those days or moments when you feel totally overwhelmed, just remember that you are not alone and then let go of everything that is not important. If you focus on what matters, you will realize that your children only require your love and nurturing. That is not impossible; actually, it's pretty easy once you let go of everything else. Look forward and know it only gets better—I promise!

 


Want more Martiza? Check out her many musings, and check back often as the list will grow!

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