Just like a fairytale, I became pregnant on the one-year anniversary of my marriage. My husband, James, and I had celebrated our union with an amazing trip to South Beach—just the two of us! Typically, South Beach was reserved for "girls only" trips, but I decided to make an exception for my new husband on this special occasion.
After we returned home, my "aunt's monthly visit" was late and I realized something could have happened in Miami. James and I were not being overly careful at that point. We had always wanted to have the first year together to enjoy being newlyweds before we started to consider the idea of a family. The one-year anniversary vacation was a great time to start being carefree! After a few positive pregnancy tests at home, a trip to the doctor confirmed my suspicions.
I was shocked. I had heard horror stories of it taking people a long time to get pregnant. In fact, it had taken my own mother years before she was able to conceive. Either I was really fertile or this getting pregnant thing was just easy! I was convinced it was meant to be and that I would have a wonderful story for my child, being that he or she was conceived in South Beach on our one-year anniversary and all.
At about 12 weeks, I went in for my first ultrasound. I could hardly wait, and my stomach was turning and turning. James met me at the doctor's office, and we anxiously awaited the first sighting of the little miracle in my belly. I remember the nurse, the doctor, and the room like it was yesterday. And I will never forget any of them as long as I live.
The nurse came in first. She prepped me, did a quick initial look, and said next to nothing as she excused herself. Then the doctor came in. He said hello and got right down to business. He kept scrolling around on the ultrasound for what seemed to be an eternity. After about three minutes, my excitement started to turn to panic as I realized he was looking for something. Or at something. Or thinking too much. Or doing anything but yelling, "There is your baby!" or "See the heartbeat?"
Finally, he shut the machine off and looked at us carefully. I knew what he was going to say before he said it, even though it didn't make any sense. Everything had been perfect up to that point: I had felt sick, I was feeling tired, I had all the symptoms of being pregnant. What happened? I guess we will never really know.
I went home and the next night lost my little miracle. I have never experienced such pain and sadness in my life.
On a Mission
I guess it's true that you always want what you can't have. I didn't know how ready I was to have a baby until I lost one. After that, I was on a mission! I waited three painful months after my miscarriage to start trying again. I cried a lot during that time. I remember seeing my father cry for the first time when I asked him what I would do if I could not have a baby. It was an awful time.
About four months after the miscarriage, it happened! I was pregnant again. I did the test at home at least five times. I was scared to be too happy. Experiencing a miscarriage not only is an awful thing in and of itself, but it also takes a lot of joy and happiness out of the very next pregnancy. I was scared to death to say the least. I was consumed with eating right, not exercising too much, praying every day, trying to do everything right. I was NOT going to lose this baby.
'Ready for Twins?'
At about nine weeks, I asked to do an ultrasound early since James and I were traveling to Saint John for my best friend's wedding. I was petrified at the thought of being in another country and having another miscarriage. I thought if I could just see and hear the heartbeat, I would feel so much better.
The doctor agreed, and my appointment was scheduled—at the same doctor's office, with the same doctor! I was a wreck waiting for the doctor. I had to excuse myself twice to run to the bathroom because my stomach was in such knots.
Luckily, they put us in a different room for the exam. We had a sweet, cheery nurse this time with a nice bedside manner. She was prepping me before the doctor came in and started to do her initial look. I thought I was going to faint. Every second she didn't say anything a little part of me was dying. I was trying to make out what I saw on the screen, but I really had no idea what to look for or what NOT to look for.
Then I hear a loud "OH" come from her mouth. Then another "OH." I was terrified and yet slightly calmed because the way she said it seemed comforting for some weird reason. Just then, about the eight most beautiful words I have ever heard came out of her mouth: "I hope you guys are ready for twins."
There was a long silence after that. James and I were in shock. We cried. We were so happy to not hear bad news that the twins part did not really sink in ... for at least another minute. The thought of twins had never, ever, ever in a million years entered my mind. Never. Ever. Did I say never? Never when I was little playing dolls or dreaming about being a mommy one day. Never.
We were at a loss for words. We saw the little heartbeats on the monitor. This was just about the most amazing thing ever. I thought I was going to fall off the table. My husband could barely speak. He finally got a few words out: "I have to get back to work. This is going to be expensive!" We laughed and cried.
The doctor came in and confirmed that it was twins. He asked us if we needed counseling. I thought "Counseling? Are you kidding?" After what we had been through, I could have had 10 babies in my belly and been thrilled, just as long as they had heartbeats!
It was an amazing experience that I will never forget. I came to realize that God took away my first little baby but blessed me by giving me two the next time around. Everything really does happen for a reason.
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