When you have twins, you really rely on your husband to help out. When we had our firstborn, Jordan, I did most of the feedings and general caring for him in the first few weeks. And with our youngest, Jackson, we were all used to a full schedule so it was busy but not impossible. With the twins, I needed help. Feeding, bathing, and just soothing the babies—especially in the beginning—was much easier when Daddy was around.
Being part of any team has its pros and cons. Let's focus on the pros. The main one, I think, is that it can help your marriage. Being on the same team and working together is everything in parenting. You absolutely need to be in agreement or it all can fall apart quickly. But, as with any team, it usually takes a lot of practice before you have success.
Over time, my husband and I have come up with our own little ways of making life easier, even with little tasks like loading all the kids in the car. Jeff will usually load the kids while I make sure we have water, snacks, inhalers, and anything else we might need. Sometimes he'll even drive them to the gas station while I finish up in the house. It doesn't always go smoothly, but when it does my husband and I can appreciate it—and each other.
Going to church and having the kids sit through an hour of service is a much bigger task, but we are learning to tackle that together. On the Sundays when we do have a successful attempt at attending church, it feels like a win. Winning feels even better when we are together to celebrate it. It feels like "Yes! We are capable, and we can do this!"
As with any team, communication is one of the keys to success. Here are some communication tips:
- Talk to each other. There are things I don't mind doing as much as my husband does and vice versa. I would much rather clean and organize, while Jeff likes to do laundry. (I know! I am very lucky.) At first, I would get upset if he put things in the dryer that I would prefer to hang; now I just set aside things that need to be hung or washed in cold water and let him know. By communicating, we are more able to stick to the tasks we like and together we can get things done.
- Ask for help. I have learned that unless I ask for specific help, I can't expect my husband to know what I need.
- Don't criticize the way your husband does things. In general, women and men think completely differently. My husband often attacks a task in a totally different manner than I would. That doesn't mean what he is doing is wrong. It's important to remember that your husband is just as much a parent to your children as you are and that every child needs to learn to adapt to different situations with different individuals.
Research shows that parents of multiples may be more likely to divorce, but I take that as a challenge.
To be honest, I think having the twins made my husband a better dad ... and made me a better mom. I feel like when the twins came, we had to work together or everything would just be too much. For example, I have learned to not fuss over the silly things and my husband has learned to be more hands-on. Working as a team is so important!
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